Why I am here…..

‘Till death us do part’ is a blog about my (so far) six years divorced from a psychopath (16 years of knowing him).  It is perplexing how, six years after HE left, I am still dealing with his mental shit every single day, and trying not to let it affect my own mental health.  I have to carefully plan anything I do that might involve him, so as to create the least risk for myself and my child. I’m learning to manage him without having him actually realise I am one step ahead of him. If he finds this, it will go onto the list of things to punish me for, forever (after he has threatened me with the Police, Libel etc etc).

The reason I am calling my blog ‘Till death us do part’ is because that is when I think he will stop, when one of us dies.  The odds are high for that to be me first.   I genuinely believe he has the capacity to kill me, in the Police station last week, the Detective Sargent told me he believed I was right, but they couldn’t do anything as he hadn’t broken a law.  I also do a lot of research on personality disorders, so although I am not a doctor, I do have an opinion on what I think is happening to him, and that helps me manage him.  He is the kind of person who you see on the news who has killed their ex partner and kids…or turn into a serial killer. 

Although he had been physically violent in the past, when we were married, he is far more dangerous now, he is too clever to threaten me physically, but he does threaten me with consequences,  attempts to manipulate me, emotionally harms our child and I, harasses and intimidates me on an almost daily basis – the Police can do nothing, until he physically hurts me or threatens me with violence. Children’s services choose to do nothing, the UK Courts slap him on the wrist and send him away to carry on doing the same over and over again. Filing court hearings is one of the things he does to get to me, he uses it and plays the system. He has also refused to give me my Sons passport once, so I couldn’t take him on a trip of a lifetime to Florida, he said I had to take him to court to get it, so then when I file a hearing, I am accused of filing court hearings unecessarily by him! (His reasoning for not giving me the passport that time was that he didn’t think our Son should be without him for ten days) his reason in December, was that I ‘hadnt given him the holiday information (Despite it being in my time and not out of the country overnight) and then when I gave him the information, he said it was because I hadn’t assured him I wouldn’t take my Son anywhere else in the time prior to the trip in question….

I’m hoping listening to my struggles to stay sane and seeing the way I deal with things, will help someone, someone who might not know they are in something dangerous.  I also want people to think about the kinds of silent shit-storms some people are dealing with inside, that aren’t always apparent on the surface.  Its hard, but to me its normal.  This is my life, and its the something that anyone coming into my life will have to deal with too. 

Till death us do part.

2 thoughts on “Why I am here…..”

    1. There are ways to manage them, but we do have a duty as parents to protect our children, our experiences are all different, but they work to the same pattern, its how we deal with it that makes or breaks us. I have dealt with this for 16 years this year, and its got progressively worse, I dream of the day he will make a mistake big enough that his ego cant take it and he disappears….

      Liked by 1 person

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