No, wait, there is something…it’s what they teach us and how we grow from it.
I have become immune to being called the bitch, terminator, fucking twat, idiot, fatty, dolt, snowflake (that’s this weeks one!) can’t keep a husband, can’t keep a boyfriend, manipulator, evil, nasty, c**t, gold digger, witch, etc. I don’t put anything past him but he doesn’t hurt me. The only way he can get at me now is to try and take my Son from me, and take the small amount of money away that he gives me (out of our settlement because he hid all of our money). Both of these things he is doing right now and why I have three pending court cases.
I have also learnt to let go. So much shit happens to me at his hands and I can’t do anything about any of it, I can choose to sit and worry and stress and panic and piss everyone off around me and change the way I would deal with things or I can be pissed off for an hour or two, then move on and leave it behind me. Doing it this way is brilliant, I learnt a long time ago to also not try and work out what he means/says, there is no consistency or rationality in anything he does, he is literally from Mars. So I let it all go. Until there is a court case, then I have to dig through the thousands and thousands of emails, texts, pictures, recordings and relive the stuff again and pick out the relevant stuff.
Letting go is great, such a great thing to carry over into other parts of your life.
As much as I wish he wasn’t here, for my own sanity, my Son needs his Dad, a shit Dad still counts as a dad and his opinion of him has to come from his own experiences, not mine. I don’t talk badly about Mr X to him or in front of him, he is part of his life and he is allowed to talk to him when he wants and message him when he wants to (I bought him an iPod for Christmas last year so he could contact him), he has pictures in his room and his cat that lives at his Dads and we talk about what he remembers about when we were married too. My Son doesn’t understand why someone he loves so much, hates the other person he loves the most (he denigrates me to our Son then boasts to me he has done so) he is confused, but not by me.
Mr X hit my Son once and was charged with common assault, our Son was 5 – paid a very expensive barrister to get him off, despite admitting it to the police, Children’s services and me, my Son doesn’t understand that, or why he leaves him in the park and rides off, or why he shouts at him, or why he pressures him to do homework, or won’t let him talk to Mummy, he just knows he loves him. He’s his Dad.
My own Father is controlled by a Narcissist and my Sister and I have had no contact with him, since 2015 because of his wicked witch of the west, wife.
But I am wiser and better for this experience, I can spot someone with NPD a mile away, it’s taken a few years to perfect that talent, but I am grateful I can never be controlled by one again.
My boyfriend now is the opposite, and keeps reminding me that he is behaving ‘normally’ when I am amazed if he doesn’t shout at me for being late/ill/busy/have friends/speak to my Mum, wipe the worktops the wrong way etc…
I read and still do read, as much as I can about Narcissism and personality disorders, I also watch a lot of crime on TV and true crime documentaries, there are so many narcissists there and it helps me to recognise the signs.
Here are what I think are the only three ways to deal with someone with NPD without making it ten times worse for yourself;
- Go No Contact (this May make it worse for you initially but not in the long run).
- Die (or hope that he/she does)