The good thing about Narcissists is….

Nothing.

No, wait, there is something…it’s what they teach us and how we grow from it.

I have become immune to being called the bitch, terminator, fucking twat, idiot, fatty, dolt, snowflake (that’s this weeks one!) can’t keep a husband, can’t keep a boyfriend, manipulator, evil, nasty, c**t, gold digger, witch, etc. I don’t put anything past him but he doesn’t hurt me. The only way he can get at me now is to try and take my Son from me, and take the small amount of money away that he gives me (out of our settlement because he hid all of our money). Both of these things he is doing right now and why I have three pending court cases.

I have also learnt to let go. So much shit happens to me at his hands and I can’t do anything about any of it, I can choose to sit and worry and stress and panic and piss everyone off around me and change the way I would deal with things or I can be pissed off for an hour or two, then move on and leave it behind me. Doing it this way is brilliant, I learnt a long time ago to also not try and work out what he means/says, there is no consistency or rationality in anything he does, he is literally from Mars. So I let it all go. Until there is a court case, then I have to dig through the thousands and thousands of emails, texts, pictures, recordings and relive the stuff again and pick out the relevant stuff.

Letting go is great, such a great thing to carry over into other parts of your life.

As much as I wish he wasn’t here, for my own sanity, my Son needs his Dad, a shit Dad still counts as a dad and his opinion of him has to come from his own experiences, not mine. I don’t talk badly about Mr X to him or in front of him, he is part of his life and he is allowed to talk to him when he wants and message him when he wants to (I bought him an iPod for Christmas last year so he could contact him), he has pictures in his room and his cat that lives at his Dads and we talk about what he remembers about when we were married too. My Son doesn’t understand why someone he loves so much, hates the other person he loves the most (he denigrates me to our Son then boasts to me he has done so) he is confused, but not by me.

Mr X hit my Son once and was charged with common assault, our Son was 5 – paid a very expensive barrister to get him off, despite admitting it to the police, Children’s services and me, my Son doesn’t understand that, or why he leaves him in the park and rides off, or why he shouts at him, or why he pressures him to do homework, or won’t let him talk to Mummy, he just knows he loves him. He’s his Dad.

My own Father is controlled by a Narcissist and my Sister and I have had no contact with him, since 2015 because of his wicked witch of the west, wife.

But I am wiser and better for this experience, I can spot someone with NPD a mile away, it’s taken a few years to perfect that talent, but I am grateful I can never be controlled by one again.

My boyfriend now is the opposite, and keeps reminding me that he is behaving ‘normally’ when I am amazed if he doesn’t shout at me for being late/ill/busy/have friends/speak to my Mum, wipe the worktops the wrong way etc…

I read and still do read, as much as I can about Narcissism and personality disorders, I also watch a lot of crime on TV and true crime documentaries, there are so many narcissists there and it helps me to recognise the signs.

Here are what I think are the only three ways to deal with someone with NPD without making it ten times worse for yourself;

  1. Go No Contact (this May make it worse for you initially but not in the long run).
  2. Run
  3. Die (or hope that he/she does)
  • Obviously in no way am I suggesting anyone try dying or killing..! but that is likely to be the only way that you will be truly free from one, even if you run, they will find you, they can hold a grudge for eternity… I have experience of this myself and was caught out by another one 13 years after I pissed him off and he punished me spectacularly! ….Can’t wait to tell that story, and I will not protect his identity!
  • Why I am here…..

    ‘Till death us do part’ is a blog about my (so far) six years divorced from a psychopath (16 years of knowing him).  It is perplexing how, six years after HE left, I am still dealing with his mental shit every single day, and trying not to let it affect my own mental health.  I have to carefully plan anything I do that might involve him, so as to create the least risk for myself and my child. I’m learning to manage him without having him actually realise I am one step ahead of him. If he finds this, it will go onto the list of things to punish me for, forever (after he has threatened me with the Police, Libel etc etc).

    The reason I am calling my blog ‘Till death us do part’ is because that is when I think he will stop, when one of us dies.  The odds are high for that to be me first.   I genuinely believe he has the capacity to kill me, in the Police station last week, the Detective Sargent told me he believed I was right, but they couldn’t do anything as he hadn’t broken a law.  I also do a lot of research on personality disorders, so although I am not a doctor, I do have an opinion on what I think is happening to him, and that helps me manage him.  He is the kind of person who you see on the news who has killed their ex partner and kids…or turn into a serial killer. 

    Although he had been physically violent in the past, when we were married, he is far more dangerous now, he is too clever to threaten me physically, but he does threaten me with consequences,  attempts to manipulate me, emotionally harms our child and I, harasses and intimidates me on an almost daily basis – the Police can do nothing, until he physically hurts me or threatens me with violence. Children’s services choose to do nothing, the UK Courts slap him on the wrist and send him away to carry on doing the same over and over again. Filing court hearings is one of the things he does to get to me, he uses it and plays the system. He has also refused to give me my Sons passport once, so I couldn’t take him on a trip of a lifetime to Florida, he said I had to take him to court to get it, so then when I file a hearing, I am accused of filing court hearings unecessarily by him! (His reasoning for not giving me the passport that time was that he didn’t think our Son should be without him for ten days) his reason in December, was that I ‘hadnt given him the holiday information (Despite it being in my time and not out of the country overnight) and then when I gave him the information, he said it was because I hadn’t assured him I wouldn’t take my Son anywhere else in the time prior to the trip in question….

    I’m hoping listening to my struggles to stay sane and seeing the way I deal with things, will help someone, someone who might not know they are in something dangerous.  I also want people to think about the kinds of silent shit-storms some people are dealing with inside, that aren’t always apparent on the surface.  Its hard, but to me its normal.  This is my life, and its the something that anyone coming into my life will have to deal with too. 

    Till death us do part.