So – I will get around to talking about the injunction, A conversation I started yesterday. You can tell I’m new to this, spewing out as much as I can as quickly as possible and going off on a tangent!
So, when I kicked off in the Police station because they couldn’t help me, they told my my only option was to apply for a Non-molestation order, what was an injunction. These come along with convictions of domestic violence crimes, however the Police have told me that my ex has not committed a single crime, despite being a complete ‘A**hole’ which apparently is not one….
They said they can refer me to the NCDV (National Centre for Domestic Violence) who will be able to get me one within a week, like the woman who reported someone before me. Brilliant, that calmed me down, an order with a power of arrest for when he breaks it, perfect. I watched them refer me on their ‘app’ which seemed a little insignificant, and they said they would contact me directly.
So, when I didn’t hear from them, I contacted them after 5 days and they said there was no record of them contacting them for me – pointless then? They agreed to call me, they told me that after answering a few questions I would be eligible for Legal Aid, and that my contribution would be £26, reasonable I thought, they said this would go towards the serving fee of £100. I said I was used to going to court myself and sorting stuff out, they said I should go for it as its worth it and they only need my pay slips and bank statements nowadays, I said ok. As soon as I was off of the phone, they sent me a text saying I had a solicitor and one would be contacting me.
The next day someone called me. She was a solicitor and I spent an hour going through mundane questions again, around the fourth time I have explained everything in a week. I was initially confused as no-one mentioned a solicitor to me at all…and I don’t trust them…..She calculated after I had sent my documents to them, that I would have to pay £700! I am a single parent, owed money by my Ex and working part time so I can pick up my child from school every day, so this about as possible as me marrying Rufus Sewell.
I was told to go back to the NCDV who will be able to fill in a witness statement for me, to go to court myself, something I am used to…. so I called them again and they sent me a form, instructing me to send it back. I did that the same day. I had no call for another 5 days so I emailed, they said they had the form but for ‘some reason’ I hadn’t been added to the list to be called. They promised to call me the next day.
When they called, I was told it would take an hour, and I would have to go through everything we have ever done. Brilliant. a few minutes into it, Nicole tells me that as there hasn’t been an incident of domestic violence in the past week it will have to go on notice (he will have to be notified and given a chance to dispute it and be in court). The last time I tried to get an injunction he attended and disputed every step of the way, the Judge was so taken in by him he insisted he have a ‘finding of fact’ hearing…like a mini trial. I cancelled the order at this point.
So I was understandably nervous, at the thought of him being in a court room to pick apart everything I had said he had done. I also know that it will come back on me ten-fold if that happens this time, he is angry because of the Child Maintenance he owes (£17,000) and he is already making me pay for that (even though its nothing to do with me). So I get upset and tell them I don’t want to go ahead, so Nicole goes and gets a manager.
The manager, Abbie, says we can apply without notice and see if the Judge will accept it but he might not, and then invite Mr X to go to court – she also said that if the order is granted, he will still be invited to a hearing where he can dispute it – so great, obviously someone who’s sole goal is to get at me any way he can is going to take any opportunity to do that. I decided to carry on and think about it, so it took two bloody hours! two hours of repeating stuff I didn’t want to think about again. Re-reading emails and texts and seeing condensed how much he has done to me and my Son.
So….today….I receive the witness statement, a Mackenzie friends letter and instructions on how to apply for the court order. Well, what a fucking waste of time, again. Its like she literally wrote it about someone else’s life! Its so inaccurate I would have to re-write the whole thing, and it reads so flaky, like I’m being an actual snowflake (I know about that word because he called me it last week, I had to google it but I like it! – It means someone who is overly sensitive and offended at the smallest thing). When I read the accompanying ‘how to’ letter I was adamant my chances of getting the order are slim, and the chances of creating a reaction similar to that when poking a tiger in the eyeball with a stick, is very high, I decided not to do it at this time.
I have three other court hearings instigated by him, and cannot risk harm to myself and my Son at this time. I noted that either way he would have the chance to basically cross examine me, gain ‘facts’ and attack me in court, which he has done before and got away with. So I have chosen to go back down the route the Police advised, I informed in January that I don’t want him to contact me and hopefully he will stick to it, I’ve had one email in three weeks so that’s bearable, for now. I’m happy with that decision, but I know its there for the future. I feel I have a plan now.
Everything is so hard for victims of abuse, we have to be subjected to it, we have to repeatedly suffer it over a period of time, sometimes watch it get worse and then we have to fight to get someone to do something. I have been fighting for six years and still, he gets away with it and I will keep fighting for what is right, or ‘picking on him’ as the poor baby calls it.