Why am I here?

‘Till death us do part’ is a blog about my (so far) six years divorced from a psychopath.  It is perplexing how, six years after HE left, I am still dealing with his mental shit every single day, and trying not to let it affect my own mental health.  My life revolves around how to manage him without him actually realising I am. If he finds this, it will go onto the list of things to punish me for, forever.

The reason I am calling my blog ‘Till death us do part’ is because that is when I think he will stop, when one of us dies.  The odds are high for that to be me first.   I genuinely believe he has the capacity to kill me, in the Police station last week, the Detective Sargeant told me he believed I was right, but they couldn’t do anything as he hadn’t broken a law.  I also do a lot of research on personality disorders, so although I am not a doctor, I do have an opinion on what I think is happening to him, and that helps me manage him.  He is the kind of person who you see on the news who has killed their ex partner and kids…or turn into a serial killer. 

Although he had been physically violent in the past, when we were married, he is far more dangerous now, he is too clever to threaten me physically, but he does threaten me with consequences,  attempts to manipulate me, emotionally harms our child, harasses and intimidates me on an almost daily basis – the Police can do nothing, Children’s services choose to do nothing, the UK Courts slap him on the wrist and send him away to carry on the same.

I’m hoping listening to my struggles to stay sane and seeing the way I deal with things, will help someone, someone who might not know they are in something dangerous.  I also want people to think about the kinds of silent shit-storms some people are dealing with inside, that aren’t always apparent on the surface.  Its hard, but to me its normal.  This is my life, and its the something that anyone coming into my life will have to deal with too. 

Till death us do part.